How do you know the behavior of an old man, and what should we do?

"How young you are. It looks like 20. It does not look like the age it really is. " When someone makes some of these apparently positive or positive comments about an older person, he is implicitly expressing the opposite: that the good thing is to be young, that society values youth more, and that old age is practically a defect.

 Sometimes it is the elders themselves who inadvertently undermine their own condition as people with years, by uttering phrases such as "in my time ..." or "when I was your age", from which it appears that their good times are long gone, that these times are no longer theirs and are excluded from the most current.

 These are phrases that reflect the bewilderment, both of the elderly themselves, as well as of their family members and loved ones, in the face of old age. An uncertainty that often becomes the prelude to mistreatment of the elderly, as reported by some medical collectives.

 The experts of the Spanish Society of Family and Community Medicine(SemFYC) say that abuse in the elderly is observed in all social classes and at any socioeconomic level. In more than half of the cases, the abusers are the children and, about 10 percent of the time, the spouses are involved.

 "The progressive aging of the population (more pathology, more dependency, more care needs, ...) will contribute to this problem to increase even more in the coming years", according to Dr. Juan Manuel Espinosa, coordinator of the Care Group Greater of the SemFYC.

 The concept of abuse includes physical, psychological, sexual and economic abuse, although the most frequent is abuse by negligence, that is to say, caused by failures or by omission in the provision of care that the elder requires.

 "From the psychological point of view there are three types of abusers: the hostile, because they have been previously mistreated by the elderly who now care, the authoritarians, who are intransigent with the disabilities of the elderly, and economically dependent on the elderly," says Dr. Espinosa.

 AVOID ABUSES, CULTIVATE a GOOD DEAL

The expert indicates that in cases of negligence, the most frequent sign is carelessness, lack of cleanliness (especially in contrast to the caregiver or their environment), malnutrition, inadequate clothing, etc. In physical abuse, professionals should suspect bruises on the wrists and shoulders, bruises, burns, and even repeated falls and multiple fractures.

 When the abuse is psychological, the elderly manifest their fears and fears with confusion, unjustified crying or in the form of depressions. "Sometimes, when we go to the home, we observe extreme vigilance and care on the part of the caregiver, who is too aware of everything, and at the same time in the eyes of the elderly, a request for help," says Espinosa.

 "The first step to properly treat 'grandparents' is to accept that old age is a situation that will reach us all. We can not ignore it or deny ourselves that we are approaching, without hurry but without pause, the so-called third age, "says Josefa Rosa Sardón, an expert in care for the elderly.

 "From that awareness, we must respect their rhythms, values, conceptions, behaviors, desires, inclinations and organization of their lives. This does not mean to always agree with them, but to seek consensus. The eldest has the right and the freedom to choose how he wants to live, and there are no reasons to impose our criteria on his existence, "says Sardon.

 "We must dedicate to the greater one an open, positive listening and without judgments or prejudices, attending to how they feel and live, what they want and what they want, how they perceive their memories and experiences. We must listen to him with appreciation, consideration, closeness, and attitude of accompaniment, "advises the expert.

 "In addition, we must give our elders a lot of love, because, at that age, affection is valued more than ever. A love that manifests itself in the form of dedication, warm gestures, look and tone when speaking with them ", suggests Rosa Sardon

For the expert "even the elderly who have some form of senile dementia and who are no longer aware of many things in their environment will always realize the affection, closeness, and warmth of loved ones." "A smile, a kind word, an affectionate gesture, a meaning hug, an attentive listening, a warm hand on the back, a tender look or a loving handshake, are gestures that can reach the soul and fill the heart with joy of our loved ones and sick people, "says Rosa Sardon.